On Belonging

Belonging is important for a sense of security, opportunities for learning and growth, pride in your identity and who you are, and developing self-esteem. Having a community that you feel belonging with is important to ward off negative emotions, and providing resiliency when facing difficult situations.

We’ve all felt being excluded from a group or from a person that we wanted to have connection with, and the sinking feeling throughout your body from rejection. Belonging and having your core group of people you connect with/relate to is so important. Belonging reduces stress, promotes healthy physical and mental health, supports emotional regulation, builds a more positive worldview, and develops your identity for who you are.

Often, we think the opposite of belonging is isolation - not having others to connect with. I want to propose that the opposite of belonging is fitting in - you’re assessing the group you want to belong with to see how you need to change to fit in. True belonging means authenticity, to be yourself and who you are without hiding or the need to change; Fitting in requires that you change who you are based on what others think, or how you think others will think of you.

While truly being yourself can be difficult as it means we drop the mask we put on trying to gain social acceptance. By forcing yourself to fit in to a group, you’re building a stronger wall to mask more.