A story on values
When I was out for a run the other day, I had a memory from almost 15 years ago pop up which has me considering where we get our values from.
One winter evening, I went out with a group of friends sledding. While at a friend’s house waiting for everyone to get there so we could head to the hill, there was one guy who I’d never met before. He continued to say inappropriate things, was rude to most of the people who were in the house, and seemed to be provoking arguments. On the way to the hill, I told a friend that I didn’t want to be around that guy anymore, and my friend confirmed the guy was a jerk.
At the hill, the guy continued provoking arguments when he could. I spent as much of the time going down the hill as I could, walking up the hill with friends, and trying to go down the hill again before the guy could get to the top of the hill.
At one point, I went down the hill and ended up getting launched off a little ramp in the middle of the hill, launching me into the air. When I landed, I was winded and couldn’t get up. While I was lying on the ground, the guy was the first one to come over and ask if I was ok. I was able to get a small “kinda” out as I had difficulty breathing, and this guy sat with me. After a minute or two, he helped me up. As we walked up the hill, I asked why he’d been a jerk all night but stopped to help me. He said “being a jerk doesn’t mean I’m a bad guy”.
We didn’t talk more about it that night, and I never saw him again. I don’t recall ever thinking about him after that night, until recently - almost 15 years later. This interaction still influenced my perceptions of others, and how easy it is to dismiss/excuse problematic behaviours if there are other positive behaviours to “even out” concerns. It took me a long time to see how separate those concerns are - being rude/conflictual about one thing/topic isn’t negated by not being rude/conflictual in a different situation. These excuses to dismiss concerning actions allows them to continue utilizing harmful behaviours.
